Monday, April 18, 2005

The Person I Always Should Have Been Anyway

So, I've just looked down at the contents of my handbag. Well, handbag is a misnomer, really; it's a largeish black leather satchel that can take at least an eight inch thickness of A4 paper.

If I had my digital camera on me I'd take a shot and post it to flickr, but for now I'll have to do with a brief text description.

Besides the usual vital bits and pieces, like a pencilcase full of nice drawing pens but no actual sketchbook*, wallet, obligatory feminine hygiene products** and chewing gum, I am toting:
  • Two Books:
    • The Intimate Sex Lives of Famous People: picked up from the shelf above the loo in the new house because it looked entertaining. Readable on the tube as is a worthy looking hardback; not at all salacious***, and in fact pretty much the only way I'm ever going to read a biography of Napoleon or Pope Alexander VI. Favourite fact so far: every time Joan Crawford remarried, she changed all the toilet seats in her house.
    • Tales from the Clit; the Female Experience of Pornography: fresh from Amazon (sic), edited by interesting new acquaintance Cherie. Less likely to be read on the tube as has 'clit' written across it in big letters, hence leading to furtive embarrassment in public.
  • Three DVDs in 'The Directors Label' series: Spike Jonze, Chris Cunningham and Michel Gondry. Short films, music videos, unrestrained barleyism. Yay!
  • A Netgear WGE111 Wireless Game Adapter: for plugging in the Xbox in order to be humiliated by seven year old boys in online games of Halo, without having even more trailing cable across the sitting room.
  • Obligatory Ipod.
You see, that's all just... well, me. Again, I must remember not to get distracted and forget - for years at a time - that essentially I am a big geek who likes shiny toys, naked ladies and vapid pop culture, and makes herself feel smugly superior by reading academic books about shiny toys, naked ladies and vapid pop culture.

Why am I not working at Channel Five?

No matter how many times I go through subtle 'reinventions', I get pulled back to this point every time. I should remember that I'm happy, here.

* because the vain illusion that I might, at any moment, be struck with brilliant creative urges is good enough, without needing tofollow through.
**which are, of course, boobytrapped in such a way as to be catapulted across the widest area possible whenever said bag is dropped, requiring an ungainly half crouched scramble to corral the lil'buggers.
*** actually, it's like Heat magazine written by Lytton Strachey. Yawn.


Ian Betteridge said...

Che's book is ace fun, and the reason we first met: I was supposed to review it for some magazine (Mondo 2000, maybe?) and met her for lunch to talk about it. Needless to say, we talked about piercings and tattoo's instead. My copy's now been borrowed permanently by my Lesbolian flatmate, who worships Cherie from afar, despite being the same age as her daughter.

kim said...

It is indeed - and I did end up reading it on the bus, tho I was probably blushing. Not because any of it was shocking, but because that's just what I do: default embarassment.

It is slightly of its time though - part of that whole sex-positive Annie Sprinkle just pre-web mainstream Mondo2000 thing - I was definately doing a lot of safesex/isn'tpornfun/heavycriticaltheory stuff at the same time. I'm mulling over whether we've got to a place where porn is much more openly consumed, or whether it's just that most of the right thinking folk I know are comfortable with consuming porn, and I'm living in a sweaty but happy little bubble.

I think my feelings are porn: good thing, but gives rise to possibly unresolvable moral dilemmae occasionally, no mater what anyone else tells you.

Now I'm rambling.

Ian Betteridge said...

Is the plural of a dilemma really dilemmae?

Crikey, I learn something new every day.

kim said...

Probably not. Latinate and Greek plurals amuse me though.

Schemas? Pah. Schemata.



kim said...

Final ma in nouns of Greek origin add ta:

stigma stigmata
stoma stomata
zeugma zeugmata

Though some take s more commonly:
schema schemata / schemas
dogma dogmata / dogmas